Growing Pains
I wish someone had told me I'd be doing this by myself.
Coming of age is no joke.
I remember when I was about to hit a growth spurt, my limbs would preemptively, emptively and postemptively ache for days on end. I moaned and groaned and sighed and longed for the feeling to subside. I actually didn’t know what was happening to me, all I knew was that something within my body was changing. It was only later that my best friend’s mom, a teacher, told me what growing pains were. She said that it was a natural part of growing up and was a sign that I was on a healthy development track; plus it was all only temporary.
“Oh—so all of this is just, normal? And pain is to be expected? And it’s a positive indicator that I’m functioning? And the only way out is through? I guess accept.”
I was actually quite delighted once I found out that my aches weren’t for nothing. That on the other side of this short time—emphasis on short—I would come to find stronger muscles, a few more inches etched onto the family’s running height metric my dad started when we were young, and who knew maybe I’d develop enough to warrant a real bra…!!!!
All I had to do was trust my body and it’s natural inclination, not force it leave the less than ideal timeframe before it was done growing.
In reflecting on that minuscule, but pivotal coming of age moment, I recognize that ick and ugh and ew are all so central to metamorphosis. Look at this caterpillar in its cocoon. We all know what happens next….🦋🦋🦋 still, going through the growing is HARD. It’s very discombobulating to be in said cocoon before one becomes whatever good thing they are destined to be next.
I recently (on Tuesday) hit a growth edge in regards to my residence in New York City. For me, New York has always been a mythical, magical place where things happen—mythical, magical things to be exact. I truly can’t recall any other reason for my girlhood infatuation other than that thought of, “New York, that’s just where you go.” To quote E.B. White’s book “Here Is New York,” who wrote, “No one should come to New York to live unless he is willing to be lucky.”
Long story short, I’m certainly uncertain about how I feel about New York. I’m growing older and certain proclivities about living here don’t sparkle like they used to. Tuesday, I was a wreck about this unavoidable knowing; and so I wrote about it.
NEW YORK BLUES:
currently am on a growth edge with NYC. I said what I always feared, “NY is not for me anymore,” and now I’m trying to asses the validity of that statement.